I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
