We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
