Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
