Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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