shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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