Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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