When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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