20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
