I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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