When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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