How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
