i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
