she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
