Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
