I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
