1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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