Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
