I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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