I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think my vagina is haunted
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
