bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize