Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
