I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
