so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
