so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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