I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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