Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
