I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize