im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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