I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
