sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
