why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
