I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
