kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
