I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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