He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
