i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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