she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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