My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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