theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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