she woke up with a sticky ear
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
