Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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