party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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