Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
