so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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