I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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