Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Another day, another engagement, another cat
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
