You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
