You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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