i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dick very happy bro
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
