I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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