So drunk its hurt
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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