dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
