he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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