My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
