So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
