he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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