apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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