i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
