I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
