I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
