i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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