Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
