I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize