if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
