I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
