The maid of honor just puked.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
