Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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