I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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