I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
