Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
