He kissed a someone with a penis
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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