I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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