I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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