Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
