I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
