Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
