The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
