i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
