I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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