So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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