Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
