pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
