I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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