girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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