how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
