when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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