I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize