his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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