so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
