the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
