the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
