Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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