Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
